oil on canvas; detail of Little Man series
by Nancy Wait 2008
Betrayal can propel you into a netherworld of confusion and hopelessness. It can feel like death. Betrayal changes us forever.
When everything we believe in is thrown into doubt, we question what we think we know. But if we have an understanding of the spiritual path, we might recognize the benefit of a death experience.
Many years ago I happened upon a book called Initiation by Elisabeth Haich. All I remember from it was the initiation she experienced or remembered experiencing as an initiate in Ancient Egypt. She was buried alive for a certain number of days, and went through the various stages of a death experience. But she was prepared for this for a long time by the High Priests in the temple. I think of that now because usually the shocks of life take us by surprise. Catch us unawares. And then we are led to a different kind of life than the one we thought we would have.
But if we can step away from judging the experience, from thinking it wasn’t meant to happen, we might get someplace. That is, if we’re willing to delve deeper into the mysteries of life. Because all new experiences are “initiations” into something. Leaving home, marriage, birth, a new job, a divorce, graduation—anything that changes us at all is an initiation into something new. Good, bad, or indifferent—it is just another experience, if we choose to see it that way.
When we can leave judgments outside of the equation, simply experiencing ourselves in this new and different place, even if it’s the horrifying and traumatic place of betrayal, why then, we’re on our way to being the observer of our life. From seeing ourselves from the level of Soul Awareness.
Grief has its uses. Grief and sadness propel us into another level of experience where we may start to ask ourselves why. And then, looking for answers, we may find ourselves being inventive in ways we never imagined.
watercolor by Nancy Wait
1986
I think why many people fall through the cracks is because they haven’t imagined Love as the cause of events. Maybe it’s difficult for them to imagine a world where All is Love. It doesn’t appear that way much of the time. But if that’s one of the lessons we need to learn, we might be thrown into that pit of darkness in order that we may look up, see the light, strive with all our power and might to get back to the light.
And yet, if we’re coming from a place where we know theoretically that we have chosen, or our soul has chosen, particular experiences for our growth and evolution on this plane, we have to ask ourselves why we might have chosen Betrayal. What good, what learning, are we supposed to have?
For me personally, I found the Blessing in the wound. I found that To Be Wounded, Is To Be Blessed.
I went from psychoanalysis to therapy to group therapy. But what really made a difference was when I got into painting my inner life. And then delving into the outer life through autobiography, through laying out all the facts and them putting them together. But in a new way. Because now I was in touch with my inner life.
I did not do this by myself. I called on God for assistance. I called on my Higher Self, my Higher Power. I put myself between Heaven and Earth, and strove to keep my ego out of it. Because as an artist I saw myself as a vessel, as a carrier of dreams and ideas, an explorer of the psyche.
